end of the road
04.01.2009 @ 10:41 p.m.

Today was a monumental day. I didn’t even recognize at the start of it how important and significant it would be in the great big picture of it all. I almost skipped my therapy appointment today, but decided that since I had only a few more left I should go. She asked me a lot of how do you feel right now? and what have you learned? questions…threw in a what has changed?…and then at the end of the hour, I was informed that it would be our last session. My treatment period had come to an end.

I stood…I stared for a moment. I fought back the urge to cry. I hugged her goodbye. She told me that she had no doubts that I would succeed in my aspirations for my BA in Human Services. And then…I left. Just like that. It’s over.

A year and a half of investing and it’s over. And that is exactly the point of that kind of relationship. It comes to an end. And if it doesn’t come to an end…if you just keep on, over and over, same thing, repetition….no movement…well, then it probably SHOULD come to an end because it is likely you aren’t making any progress with that person and you may not be the best fit.

She had told me two weeks ago that it was coming near an end…that if I wanted to continue to see her that I would need a different diagnosis from my psychiatrist…I no longer have a psychiatrist. And I thought about going in, seeing what happened…maintaining the lifeline. And then I realized…I had no need to do so.
I may not be where I need to be, I may not be completely satisfied with my life, my mindset and my emotional reactions…but I’ve gone as far as I can go with her. I have progressed as much as I possibly can in these circumstances.

I am proud of myself for realizing this. So often I spend my time avoiding change…clinging to the familiar…but baby birds have to fly form the nest….and I have to move on with my life. So, I’m moving forward. Standing still only stands to make me crazy, frustrated, depressed.

There were other happenings that matter….that will change my life in different ways…but for now, this is where my mind is.