The One In Which She Feels All This Living Is...
10.12.2005 @ 10:20 p.m.

shes just waiting for the summertime
when the weathers fine
and she could hitch a ride out of town
and so far away
from that low down, good for nothing
mistake making fool with excuses like
baby that was a long time ago
but thats just a euphemism
if you want the truth he was out of control
but a short time is a long time
when your mind just wont let it go

well summer came along and then it was gone
and so was she but not from him
because he followed her just to let her know
her dreams are dreams
all this living is so much harder that it seems
but girl dont let your dreams be dreams
you know this living is not so hard as it seems
dont let your dreams be dreams

-jack johnson-

I have slipped past down straight to �severe depression�.

I spent this weekend feeling lonely and sad. I sat on my couch and cried or numbed myself out for most of Sunday.

Makes it impossible to get the things done that need done when I feel like this. Then I look around at all that needs done and feel even worse.

This is the cycle I�ve been in for four years now.

I suppose it�s about time to break it.

Despite my depression and sadness my son manages to remain...wonderful. Not with me granted. With me he fights at every turn. But, everyone else. And hell, that�s something.

My sister told me yesterday that if Alex wants to be a part of my life he needs to start getting to know Bug.

I tend to agree with this assesment. But, how do you force someone to be around your child if they don�t want to be? Bug deserves better than that attitude.

I suppose we will have to have that talk yet again, tonight when he comes over.

I don�t look forward to it.

And work remains what work is supposed to be when you are employed in the fast food industry...it�s not much damn fun.

I enjoy the majority of the people I work with. I like most of the things I�m doing...But, I�m not so fond of being talked to like I�m stupid. Being treated like less than a person...and lousy pay for work that wears me out so much.

My boss (a.k.a. my sister) brings me to the brink of tears at least once a mutual shift.

Life is fun.

Ummm, life...This is living right??